۱۳۹۳ دی ۲۱, یکشنبه

The first touch

This is the first moment of contact. The doctor came, cleaned her, weighed her and put her here. By instinct I brought my hand near her and she took my finger and wouldn’t let it go. After being thrown out into the new but unknown and insecure world, it seemed my finger was the only thing that would give her some sense of security. In shock, I looked at her and said: “This is my child”. You know from the outset that the mother has an advantage of feeling the child inside herself. She wakes up with the child and sleeps with it, talks with it, and soon after starts to feel the kicks. But for me, that was the first moment of contact. In effect, fatherhood starts from this point.

I just don’t remember whether she cried or not, but I well remember the silent deep feeling of fear which overwhelmed me. That main cause of fear was that I knew from now on, while we are both away from our families and without any help or experience, we were responsible for the two –and-a-bit-kilogram Laylah and for years we will become the centre of her life and security, as she will be dependent on us in every imaginable sense. Having no one to help us was the main reason of such fear. Till this moment Sarah and I were the centre of each other’s life and now were experiencing seismic shifts, as from this moment onward she would become the centre of our life and we at her service.

Tonight, in order to take her to her bed, I lifted her up from our bed and once again realized how heavy she has become and remembered a time when I hardly could feel her weight over my body. On the first night, the whole night she slept over my arm and I could not sleep the whole night in fear of rolling over her as she was not even able to swat a fly. ...

Ok, till now we’ve done a good job. Ensha’allah we will continue it in this path.

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